I have NEVER gone back and listened to a sermon again. I did last week. This whole series's our pastor is going through really is what Christianity is about. No sugar coating, real life is tough and painful. Honestly I recommend everyone listen to the whole series. But especially if you are hurting and wondering how Christianity fits in to your feelings. If you just pick one just listen to the "When God disappoints us." At the end of the sermon I loved the response questions he had us think about. 

http://gracepointchurch.net/media/video_messages/

I thought I was going to have a long beautiful marriage from a young age just like my grandparents. Full of life, love, children and ministry. 

I have a real once in a life time love and beautiful family not just one made to look pretty on the outside. My ministry opportunities are endless with the things I have gone through. My attitude and perspective is better. More understanding and grounded in reality.

I hope you listened to the sermons. Through out the series I have been reminded that while I went through my trails I did not have the kind of attitude I should have had. I gave up on God. I blamed him and accused him of being a liar. I did some really stupid things. But God never gave up on me no matter how I acted towards Him. It took me a while to be able to see how God was still saving me, but he never left me. He was still being good to me even though I felt He was the one attacking me. Leaving Sam was not something I could have done on my own. God gave me the strength to do it. And my bitter angry attitude I had, it suddenly changed. Not my anything I did. I was happy to remain sorry for myself for the rest of my life. God rescued me from being bitter and miserable.

People make jokes about me. I'm not complaining, I like jokes. And if you can't laugh at yourself what can you laugh at? I'm the 'bad influence', 'crazy friend'. Not someone you would ask for advise. I can't deny it. I did some really stupid things. I'm not ashamed of anything I did. I don't try to hide the dumb things I did. Maybe in sharing how silly I was and how bad I failed, someone else won't do the same thing I did. And next time I face a heartbreaking trial, hopefully I will have the correct attitude. Because I have seen His love and faithfulness in my past trials, I will be able to hope and trust He will do the same in my future.