She Found Her Wings

Our pastor in his sermon this week said he had had some tough times where he had wanted a way out. He even had an escape route. He knew everyone around him would be better off if he was gone. Obviously none of that happen and he knew those thoughts were straight from the devil. But what he said triggered a memory I had.

The horrible year Sam and I lived together as roommates was the worst of my life. I was never mean to him. I was as friendly as a girl could be sharing a house with the man who shattered her heart. The situation was beyond my control. I just dealt with it. I never once told him everything would be ok or we would work it out. I told him it was over and even if he did start change. I would always think he was faking it the way he did after the first time he got caught. To much trust had been broken for me to ever think of trusting him again even if I wanted to. I didn't want to baby him and let him think the way he was acting was ok. 

One point Sam was so depressed and down on himself. He was uncontrollable and threatening suicide. He told me then I could pay off his debts and have a chance at a good life if he left me his life insurance. I felt he was pressuring me to be nice to him in his state to tell him "everything is going to be ok." I refused to give in and coddle him. I called his friend (I'll call him Tony). I told Tony what Sam was saying and said I couldn't handle him in this state with what was going on between us. Even though Tony hated my guts, he agreed and came and picked him up for a few days. (Remember I was hooking up with their other friend and with Tony not knowing what Sam did, I was a horrible person in his eyes)

It's one thing to encourage someone you love and speak truth into their life when they are having a tough time. It's another to be manipulated by them. When they use the pain they caused to you and somehow get you to comfort and reassure them. It's wrong. So many abusive partners use this tactic to keep their partner around. We believe it's our fault. But it's their problem. I don't know how I knew I needed to call his friend and ask for help. Honestly it was tough calling Tony who I knew judged me for the mess I was in and how I was handling it. But I think that was the point Sam realized I was done playing his stupid games. He still lied. He will always lie. But he learned that I wasn't going to be manipulated by him. And he backed off. He stopped trying to manipulate me and trying to trap me into staying with him.