At one point in my life Sam was exactly what I  needed. He taught me about love in the way he treated me when we were dating. Before Sam a lot of my views of what love was very distorted because of experiences while i was growing up. We were a perfect fit in our dreams of what we wanted to do with our lives. I was a hurt scared girl when we met. He helped encourage me and learn to be confident in myself. 

We met when i was in 8th grade. We were both on a missions trip with our youth group. On the plan ride home dad tried to play match maker and changed seats with him so we sat together. He was nice. I didn't think anything more of him at the time. The summer before my senior year Sam was at my house hanging out with my older brother. By the end of the summer we were dating. We were very happy together. We fell in love. We had future plans to do youth ministry together. My freshmen year of college he asked me to marry him. The next March of 2008 we were married.

I remember the moment before my dad walked me down the isle my dad said, "If you don't want to do this you don't have to. I have heard some things about his work ethic." That was the first I had ever heard anything negative about him from my dad. I didn't listen dad loved Sam. Nothing would have changed my mind. I was suppose to marry him, I was crazy in love (or what I thought was love). I wouldn't be where I am or who i am if I didn't. Even if I had the chance to go back in time knowing what I know now, I would  still l do it all again. 

It's been very hard for me to think back and try to remember the good times and why I loved him. When I think of a memory I can't help but wonder what of that was a lie too? When did it really start? We were very happy while we were dating and engaged. And we had many happy times while being married too. A few months before everything blew up the second time I remember telling his mom it was the happiest we have ever been. He had finally after several years made some friends. They were a good group of guys. They would come over and hang out all the time. I loved it. 

I knew he stole from his parents in high-school. It didn't seem like a red flag to me, that's pretty common. On one of my phone conversations with his older brother while I was filing for divorce, I learned that Sam has been writing checks from his bank account while he was dating me. Maybe he always had a problem, and I just didn't know. He meant so much to me. He changed me and was a big influence in my life. I would have done anything for him.  But I can't help but wonder if I meant anything to him? Did I help him in any way? Was I just a silly girl blinded by love? From my point of view it looks like I changed him for the worse. He went from a man going to school and being a youth leader to a criminal who can't keep a job or tell the truth. What did I do? I ruined him. And I have no idea what I did to cause such a dramatic transformation.