She Found Her Wings

The year we had to be roommates we split all the bills in half. That was one of the reasons we couldn't get separate places, one of us couldn't afford it on our own. It really was no surprise when he didn't pay his half for the last few months. I of course kept track of what he owed me and he kept telling me he would get my money to me. One day after we had moved out he met me at the bank with a check for it all. I should have demanded he go in and get me cash but I told him if it bounced I would turn him in. He promised it was good. I deposited it. It bounced. But not after it had cleared in my account for a week. My account went under despite me calling the bank saying it hadn't been pending for several days before I spent it. (I booked a cruise with the money, something I always wanted to do but thought was impossible.)

When I found out, I cried. Not because he had lied to me me again, but because I fell for it. The guy broke into my car to steal my debit card, and I was stupid enough to trust him again. I turned him in. Lucky for me he wrote in the memo it was for bills, otherwise they couldn't have done anything. It took several months, but I got my check from the police for my money. 

I decided then I would never allow him to affect me, I didn't even shed a tear the day I got divorced. (I'll get into later). He doesn't deserve to be able to control me or my emotions. He continued doing things that were despicable, but I learned to expect it, laugh at his ridiculousness and get on with my life. I taught myself to expect lies, and not be blinded by wanting to believe he had changed. He will never change.

I can imagine only one reason I would ever be affected. What will I feel when he moves on, if he changes and settles down with someone else. I hope he does turn into a responsible adult and finds the happiness I have found. But I will wonder what it is about her that I didn't have. Why wasn't I enough for him? I'm a woman, we always compare ourselves. Those feelings will happen it's a fact. I just have to keep reminding myself that his issues are not my fault. It was never something I brought upon myself.