She Found Her Wings

Jason and I wanted to just make things legal at the court house. His family was to excited. They had sat and watched him crumble after his ex-wife decided one day she didn't want to be married and refused to speak to him again. They always hoped, but never expected he would trust anyone again. When I came into the picture everyone welcomed me with open arms and told me how happy they were to see Jason fall in love again. They kept telling me they always knew he wanted kids and a family, but they never thought they would see it happen for him. They were just as excited as I was to see Jason become a father. 

With how important family is to Jason and I, it went from a courthouse elopement, to a backyard wedding to an actual small ceremony at a local park. Honestly it was perfect. My brother got ordained and he preformed our shortest ceremony in the world. We wrote our own vows. That was important to us being we were a unique situation. Standard vows just didn't seem right.

I was not nervous at all. I had one minute of worry as I was hiding behind the trees waiting on it to start. Did I really want to legally tie myself to someone again, after how my last one destroyed my life? Was I stupid? Then I remembered I was marrying Jason. I didn't have one doubt that he was who I was suppose to marry. 

No one imagines their dream wedding being the second time around. Much less when they are 8 months pregnant. It wasn't ideal. We had plans of eloping to the beach, but getting pregnant changed that plan. It was the perfect way for us to start our lives officially married.  we were able to tie Peyton into our vows. I didn't stress about anything. Everything was laid back and casual. I think having a small wedding was the best option. I have none of the regrets we might have had if we had gone and signed papers at the courthouse. I'm one blessed woman.

I started reading romance novels. (Not because I wanted to, because those are the books that are free on iBooks)  It's so easy to hold when I rock Peyton to sleep or on breaks at work. I always have my phone. I don't always carry books around. Everyone has got crazy annoying on social media with their politics, religion and selling things. I couldn't stand it anymore. 

I remember growing up being taught romance novels were bad. "Christians shouldn't read those". Their argument being it gives girls unrealistic expectations of men. I understand the point of view because I was raised in the conservative Christian bubble. But truthfully I think it's a bit silly. High expectations are good, as long as you understand no man will be live up to them. If we taught young adults to expect the best, but know there will be failures. I think less young women would settle for the first guy who gives them attention. Instead they would actually wait for the guy who is going to treat them with respect. When you grow up hearing fairy tales and love stories are not real life, you don't wait for true love. You take what you get.

After I left my husband I mentioned a had several flings. My best friend got a new boyfriend she wanted me to meet. I have known her since 3rd grade we knew each other through all of our boy stages. I have never seen her more happy and alive. She was more Nancy then I had ever seen her. We had dinner together and had a fabulous time. I could tell in the first few minutes of meeting Stoney they had one of those once in a life time loves. I can't put my finger on what it was, but I knew he was the real deal. After dinner he decided it was time for them to set me up with one of his friends. We all went bowling and the guys planned a weekend on the lake. We texted the few weeks leading up to our planned weekend (I lived out of town). Him and I both knew nothing would ever happen between us, we were just two people hanging out with mutual friends. I  can't put my finger on it exactly but in the way he treated me that weekend I knew that true love was out there somewhere for me. I did not have an ounce of hope there was a man who could be my knight in shinning armor until that weekend. He was out there somewhere, I wasn't going to ever settle again.

I enjoy getting lost in romantic stories. I believe with all my heart that Jason is my soul mate and one true love. Every time I see him my heart smiles and I get warm fussy feelings and butterfly's described in cheesy romance books. (Those feelings I was taught as a kid aren't real). I love that we work in the same place, every time I walk past him my heart smiles. When I just hear his voice over the intercom I can't help but relax at the sound of his voice. Is our story of how we met was crazy controversial and weird. But it was our's and looking back it is perfect. I can't imagine how it could have been better. I remember talking to Nancy on the phone really soon after Jason and I got together. I told her, "I found my Stoney." 

If I could tell young adults anything. It would be to wait for the real deal. If you have any doubts if it's real or just convenient. Wait.

Jason had told me he didn't want to get involved with a married women. I respected that. Once he slowly started learning more about why I was still married and my situation, he realized he wouldn't be in the way of two people working on their struggling marriage. Then he changed how he treated me. He started pursuing me.

Jason was one of the people who helped me move. He stayed after everyone else headed home to help me get the furniture where I wanted it. He left after I took him out to lunch for helping me. He texted me later that day to ask how I was doing. I was honest and told him not good. I felt with him I could share how I was feeling and processing my divorce. Because he had gone through it, I knew he would understand. I was nervous about being alone in a very sketchy neighborhood. He offered to come over and bring some movies to help me feel safer. (He lived 40 min away)

We laid on separate sides of the couch, and when the last movie was over he made a move. That was the single greatest kiss in the history of the world if I do say so myself. Even to this day I will smile and tell him to kiss me like the first time. He always responds with, "that's a lot to live up to." 

He went home that night, then came back the next day. From that moment on he never left. We were only apart when we went to work, which ironically is the same place. We didn't sleep much for two weeks because we stayed up just talking. We shared our stories, past hurts and failures and future dreams. It was so strange, this was a man I hardly knew, yet he understood me deeper than anyone ever. I shared with him him details about my abuse I never told anyone before.

Two weeks into our relationship Jason asked me if we were exclusive. I responded with, "When do you have time for anyone else?" That was the end of that.

A few days later I told him I wanted to say something, but was scared it was to soon and creepy. He responded with, "I love you too"

To be perfectly honest, if I hadn't been 'married' we would have gone off and eloped in the first month we were together. So we planned to go to the court house the week after my divorce went through. We got a full year to get to know each other and even though we had no doubts, we were able to know this is real not just a passing feeling.  

He gave me a beautiful pink ring that his mothers gave him for me as a promise ring. He told me he didn't want to officially propose until my divorce was final. But in our minds we were already married, we made those promises to each other. I got him a promise ring as well. The legal side didn't matter to us. We would make it official when we could. 

After several months we had the baby talk. We both always wanted kids. We were as ready as we could ever be. We decided to stop preventing and start trying. We assumed it could be years because of how long it took me to get pregnant before. We had no expectations. First month of trying we were pregnant. If that's not a miracle or sign from God I don't know what is. I took one test at night and it was vague. I took another one the next morning while Jason was still asleep. I crawled back into bed and told him it was positive. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "I told you I have bad ass swimmers, now go back to sleep."

Our relationship isn't by the book. It's a little crazy. We had tons of judgment. It probably didn't help we worked together. We got even more when we got pregnant. I wanted to wear a shirt everyday that said, "this wasn't an accident". It was tough hearing criticism. I even had one person we work with suggest an abortion. I should have slapped her. Jason and I have never been more confident in anything. I wasn't going to put my life on hold waiting for a piece of paper from a judge.

I remember the first day I laid eyes on Jason. I was working at a different store during their expansion. I remember seeing him and he looked up and smiled at me. He said, "You are doing great here." I thought it was strange. He worked back in the frames dept, He didn't know what I was doing. But something about that exchange I knew he was a special man. I thought to myself, "If I could go back and start all over. He would be the kind of man I would want to marry." That freaked me out, as far as I knew at that moment I was happily married. I hadn't the foggiest clue about this guy, that was our first conversation. 

Fast forward several months. I had transferred to that store. Every time I would walk past him he would smile and talk to me. He was friendly to everyone, I didn't think anything of it.

Almost as soon as I transferred stores is when Sam and I split up. One of the times I walked past the frames table one of the ladies asked me a question about my husband. I told her we were getting divorced. She apologized for asking. Jason was standing there and when I walked off I heard him tell her, "she hasn't been wearing her rings for a few days." What kind of a guy notices the day a woman takes off her wedding ring? Why was he paying attention to me? 

I asked Jason about it after we got together. he said he noticed me the first day I was there and was excited that our boss finally hired a cute girl. Then he saw I was wearing a wedding ring and thought, "typical, all the good ones are taken."

My friends I had made there knew I thought Jason was the kind of guy I wanted to marry and that I had a crush. They told me he flirted with me different then him just being nice to everyone. I knew I was not acting like the kind of girl he would ever consider. Any hints I would drop about how I was dating and available, he ignored. We would go eat together when our lunch breaks were at the same time. Every time we went he would always drive, open doors and pray before we ate. It was so odd to me. He was a co worker, he didn't know me at all. And every time he would pray for me about very specific things and ask about how I was doing. Never once did he ever say or do anything that caused me to think he cared any more than just being a co-worker friend.

One day I worked up the nerve to ask him out. I asked him to go see Batman with me. I hadn't seen it yet, and it is my favorite super hero. He said sure, and we made plans. I had never asked a guy out before. It was a rush. (I recommend all girls do it if they have the chance.) He texted me that afternoon and made me think he forgot. Then at the last min he told me he was kidding. He showed up a few minutes late, I had already bought our tickets because I HATE being late to movies. (An argument we still have everytime we go see a movie) I felt someone could have cut the tension with a knife through the whole movie. He walked me to my car and opened and shut my door for me. About an hour after I got home he texted me and said, "sorry if things are weird. I really like you, but I'm a bad guy. I would hurt you. My ex wife cheated on me. I won't do that to someone else."

That was completely respectable. I understood. I didn't for a second believe he was a bad guy though. Obviously nothing was going to happen, and not long after that I started dating the other guy. However I couldn't keep my mind off Jason. Somehow without him doing a thing, he had worked his way into my heart. I was in love. But I knew with the way I was living, I would never deserve him.