She Found Her Wings

When I started getting older, my mom read me multiple books on puberty and sex. I could tell you what all my insides were for and what they looked like. But I didn't know a single thing about what sex actually was. It seemed my parents were trying to always teach us about it, but somehow never actually taught us a thing.  What I did know about it I picked up from friends or 'on the streets'.

That seems to be a very common with my generation being raised in the church, and especially the homeschool community.' None of us knew anything other than its bad, don't do it until marriage. Holding hands and kissing lead to sex, so we better not do that either. Any sexual desires or feelings we should be ashamed of. Lots of my friends were not even allowed to say "sex" in their house. It was a bad word. My parents were very open talking about sex and "not cool' topics. But somehow even with all that. I didn't know what it was.

Those of us girls who waited for our future husband were miserable on our wedding night. If we had had sex before marriage we thought it was bad because we were sinning. Then when after we got married and it was still bad. We assumed it was because we did it before we got married. We were being punished. Something we had been taught from childhood that was bad we were suddenly suppose to do and enjoy. It takes many years to be able to get over the mentality sex is wrong. Desires and pleasure are nothing to be ashamed of. 

Sex is not bad. It's not gross. It's not sinful. It's a wonderful physical act of the intimacy you share with your partner.  A couple cannot go from zero to sixty overnight because they signed a piece of paper. Just as the intimacy grows over time as you get to know each other, that's how the sexual side of your relationship should grow. Slowly. The act of sex will increase your intimacy, and the intimacy will make the sex better. I don't think you can have one without the other. 

Does that mean I think you should have sex with everyone you date? Not a chance. It's the deepest form of intimacy. Not something you should share with everyone. Waiting for the right person at the right time will protect you from being hurt and attached emotionally to someone you shouldn't be connected to on sure a deep level.

I asked my sister what she and her new boyfriend had talked about the physical aspect of their relationship. She told me I was going to be mad at her. They are going wait until their relationship deepens before they kiss. Psh! How could I be mad? (I told her I would only be mad unless she told me she wasn't going to kiss until her wedding day.) That seems to be the correct way about doing things.

How in the world will I teach my daughter all this? I don't know. But I hope she learns sex is a wonderful thing, not something to be ashamed of. But then again, Peyton is always going to be one year old. Luckily Jason and I have about nine years to figure it out. And even then, I'm sure even with our best intentions, we will completely screw up.