She Found Her Wings

I have gone back and forth on if I will ever share publicly about  my relationship with my mother and how it affected me. Considering she is making an effort to have a relationship with me in my adult life. I will refrain. Just know, it was horrible. My Mom and I see the world in completely opposite ways. Growing up I never knew why my mom hated me. Now that I'm older I see that she does love me. She just has the strangest ways of showing it. I did not understand that was her showing her love, because it felt the opposite.

In my many conversations with friends who have similar mother/daughter relationships as mine. The way a child feels growing up directly affects how she allows herself to be treated in adult relationships.

If a child is not treated with respect and love, they won't believe they deserve it when they are older. When kids are beat down as a young child or teenager they are taught they are not valuable. Why would they think a stranger should treat them as they were special if those in their life who were suppose to encourage and love them never did. If their parent can't see and express the value in them, why would a stranger? 

How you speak to your child isn't just about building up their self esteem. It's teaching them what they should expect from a partner later in life. What you model for your children directly affects what kind of relationship they will have. Treat them the way you want their future partner to treat them. And in addition to that, treat your partner how you want someone to treat your child. Kids see how their parents interact. Take any child as small as a one year old, they copy everything they see their parents to.

One thing I have told myself since I was about 14. If I only do one thing to do right as a parent, it would be that my child never has to wonder if I love them. I'm sure I will do thousands of things wrong as a parent. And even at one year of age, Peyton has the biggest attitude and strongest will I have ever seen in a baby. We are going to go around and around as she grows up. But I hope in all our fights and her getting in so much trouble, she never doubts that we think she is unique, special and that her parents love her more than anything. I can see her as a teenager saying, "mom stop, I know you love me. Leave me alone." I pray she sees the love and respect Jason and I have for each other, I hope she accepts nothing less.