She Found Her Wings

The second post I received from my friend who is starting Sara's Hope here in NWA. We are getting close to opening the doors soon. Like them on Facebook for updates and events. https://www.facebook.com/sarashopeofnwa

It seems every woman who has been hurt goes through what I refer to as, "the crazy stage". That's the only way to explain some of the things we have done. Things that go against all we believe and stand for, but we still do them.

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I know that many have not thought they would have to experience Domestic Abuse, truly I did not think about that when I was married the first time.  Most of all maybe I was naive when I married this man.  However, I cannot go back and change this time in my life I must learn from the experience and move forward. 

Oh, yes I have had family and friends tell me how they wished they could have spoken to me during this time.  However, I would not have believed them.  My whole personality was changed.  Control can do this to you.  You believe that what he says is truth, and you do what you are told. 

After the divorce,  I was used by his control once again.  He chose to move in with a woman.  He wanted me to watch the children even though he had custody.   After I went to work for the first time in my life, I had discovered some new truths.  The children being with me was one of those truths.   I was taking them to his parents while I worked, one morning I drove over to the house,  and told his Mother this.  " I have to find out who I am, and he does have custody, he can pick them up tonight."  She asked me, " Are you sure you want to do this?"  I told her, " I have to do this." 

I am not proud of those five years after the divorce.  I had not rebelled after I left High School.  Here I was trying to find my true self and I rebelled in many ways.  I am not pleased with the choices I made. God was truly watching over me.  I just left Him, He did not leave me. 

Alcohol  was a release for me,   I did not drink it all the time, however out with friends I was drinking.  I had an affair, which was just as much my fault as the person I had the affair with.  I am ashamed of this, and it is very hard to write, however,  I was striving to find love that was truly real.  

I had dated one man who did not want to get married. Yet he used me just like the first husband had.  Funny how I see this now.

My behavior was truly rocky. . It pivoted from one point and then went over the edge. I had to find the middle, the level of life that I had before I  married at eighteen years of age.  

And this is one thing I had to learn was to find myself again.  The dating, the alcohol, and the choices were like a roller coaster of emotions, trying to find the what was even and level for my life.