One of my best friends had a baby girl just a few months before I had Peyton. We had plans of doing all the little girl things together with our princesses. Harleigh was diagnosed with Zellweger Syndrome soon after she was born. She was only with us for 5 months and 5 days.
When I heard what she was being diagnosed with I started googling. Jason found me on the couch with my laptop crying so hard I couldn't talk. When he asked me what was going on, all I could say was, "she is going to die". It was a hard struggle for everyone to deal with the reality of the situation. I talked to my friend every day (annoyed her to death with my love haha). I was with her every chance I had. Never once did I hear her complain or blame God.
I asked my friend how she could remain so strong in her faith through all of this. I wasn't even the one dealing with it and I had basically given up on God. She said people told her stories about how they were coming back to church and their faith because of Harleigh's life. I didn't understand why wouldn't God just heal Harleigh? How much more of a testimony would God have in that situation?
Everyone was praying for a miracle. I did for a while, but it it seemed hopeless I gave up. I didn't want to speak to God. Maybe it was a lack of faith, maybe not. I'm I don't know. All I could do was pray for my friends and their strength and their faith. I tried to be supportive and positive on the outside, but inside I was furious. I had made my way back to church and my faith without an innocent baby dying. I held onto that selfish thought for about two years. Then it hit me like a brick wall about two years after her death. An innocent baby did die for me to have faith. That baby might not have been an infant when he died. But Jesus was innocent and he died for me. Man am I selfish or what?
My friend announced she was pregnant again. She is delivered another baby girl this summer. There were risks since it is a genetic disease. We were all scared but hopeful. We were all praying for a perfectly healthy baby. This time I was asking God for that miracle. I was begging God not to ask my friends to walk down that impossible road twice. This time I believed God would perform a miracle. I would not give up this time. And if He didn't give us the outcome we were begging for, I was praying for everyone's faith. That we could all understand that Gods ways are better than ours. He can see the big picture, all we can see is ourselves.
Baby sister was born a week ago. Completely perfect. We serve an awesome and loving God. He always sends a rainbow after a storm.
- 10:14 AM
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