You realize the past will be a memory that you cannot seem to get rid of. you are caught up in a horrible entanglement of low self esteem. I did not realize that this was even an issue. (I thought I had it all together. Even though l it was not easy to see my kids once a year.) You are trying to convince yourself you are able to take care of yourself. Wondering if there is someone out there that will understand who you are and approve of you.
I finally realized I needed to go back to church. In fact my ex's sister-in-law recommend a church. I found a place where I felt at peace. I was happy with the fellowship of believers who were worshiping there. I had not shared my story, or even talked about my past to anyone. I chose to help with the Library at church, and sang in the choir.
After five years of being divorced, I realized my life needed to be changed in a direction that was free of guilt and pain of the past. My faith was gradually becoming something that gave me hope.
Getting to know everyone at the church was great place for me to meet new friends. I had no idea that one of the families at Parkview Baptist was going to be my family one day. I knew the Dad and Mom; and their daughter. Goodness, who would think someone in the choir was worthy enough to ask out.
How you can think that any one would want you? After all the choices you made, and how you have been a failure in relationships. Why would anyone want you? All these thought's floated in my mind. Thank goodness for a Mother at home, that made me feel worthy and kept me knowing I was loved unconditionally.
I believe God was allowing me to see His grace in ways I never imagined. He knew I was not perfect, and I still struggled with sexual issues. He was helping me to realize someone was interested, and I must now understand that there could be someone who would be the right person for my life.
- 6:04 PM
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